I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
