Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
where are my eyebrows?
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