Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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