just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
