I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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