my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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