All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I deserve this hangover.
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