my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
