Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
