How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
