I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize