i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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