I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
