The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
