Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
