I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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