He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
