just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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