This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
