just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
