when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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