every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
