sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
