I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
