At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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