Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
