She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone came in the potted fern
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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