I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
