Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
