why didn't you poke me back
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
