those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
