Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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