Ambien. No doubt about it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
