Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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