paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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