Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
