I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
