So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
