i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
