I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
