I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
