one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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