just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
