Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
