I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
