i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
did i walk over a car last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
