you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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