Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
