Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
