I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
