dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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