i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
