Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
