i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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