Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
