Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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