I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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