You can't special order awesome
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
