Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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