sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
