i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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