The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
