i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
