K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
