I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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