Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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