now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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