I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
