Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
