i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
