apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
