Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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