Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
