my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
