oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize